ok...today's entry's gonna be long. if u wanna read de whole thing then get ready...
firstly, i finally have time to study!!yay!!bout time yarz. now i can lock myself in my room n do my work. haha. kidding kidding...i juz wanna start studying for de mid years dat r coming up in like exactly 2 weeks.
did maths today. yay!!i like maths!!tho it's now so much harder than in sec sch. but hey, who said 'a' levels was easy. anyway, i like maths. dunno why. i juz like it. i rather do maths than anything else. haha. i noe i sound like a geek, but wateva. i dun care. i juz like maths. haha...
chem is becoming harder. i dun noe wat it's about. n now there's so much more to learn. fuck it lah. i shall focus on chem tmr. shit how to practice qns when i dun have tys or anything. damn. nvm, i still hafta read de lecture notes first anyway...
econs juz sux!!de minute i look at de lecture notes my mind juz wanders off. i ask u how to study like dat??n i think econs is my weekest subject loh. i think. or mebbe it's chem. mebbe it's both. wateva lah. econs is difficult. esp de essay. can do mcq after practicing de tys. but essay??how to practice??can't be doing econs essay everyday rite. i muz be mad to do dat. haha. but mebbe dat's de only way i can score. it's de amt of time given to ans de essay qn. it's too little. mebbe cuz i dun have enuf practice. but then it goes back to wat i've said before...how to practice essay??n i think i hafta REALLY study de lecture notes to get de facts right. if not there's no point doing de essay if there r no facts. n of cuz there's de application kind of qn. how to do dat i ask u??fuck. there's a lot to do for econs. n econs essay is de first thing i have when i go back to sch. well after chinese. but dun hafta count chinese. so yar. econs essay. first paper. shit...
a lot of things have been going thru my mind these few days...
him.exams.him.studying for exams.him.passing exams.him.failing exams.him.wat to do after exams.him.how to forget him.if there'll be life after him...
as u can see, i still haven forgotten him. n i dun think i'll forget him anytime soon...
juz read her blog. seems like they've been going out almost everyday these past few weeks. mebbe even longer than dat. fuck. they even met in kl. she told me they didn't. fuck her. lie to me. call dat a fren. n she didn't tell me dat de vcds i lent her were for them to have a movie marathon together. she didn't say she was gonna watch em with him. fuck. lie to me again. n he also neva say anything when i said she had to be mad to watch like 20+ movies during june hols. fuck him. lie to me. some kind of frens huh...
excuse my language. i dun usually swear so much but i'm juz so frustrated. frustrated dat they're together. frustrated dat he's not mine. frustrated dat things didn't work out de way i wanted it to. so wat if i sound like a control freak. fuck off if u dun like it...
sometimes i juz feel like crying. then i'll start to tear. but after a while i tell myself why shld i cry over him. it's his loss, not mine. but then again, i want him. i need him. i...
a part of me is sad dat he's with her, sad dat he didn't choose me. but there's another part of me dat thinks this thing is gd, dat i can finally move on. after liking him for soooo long, probably almost 6 months. gosh!!it's been long...
shit. why am i always torn in 2. why can't i juz be, how shld i put it, one-sided??wateva. i hate being torn in 2. i hate being stuck in de middle.
remember last time i said dat i knew this was gonna happen??this was bcuz i tot he liked her since a while ago. even my fren, de one who told him i liked him, tot so too. i told my fren dat if he like this kind of girl, i might as well give him up. cuz if dat's his type of girl, i dun stand a chance. she said she supported me, so i made up me mind to try to forget him before i fell any deeper. but i realise now dat it's easier said than done...
