Friday, December 24, 2004*
a different christmas
christmas this yr is really different. firstly cuz my family isnt celebrating it. we usually go to my uncle's place n we have dinner n exchange presents. but this yr we arent. i think everyone's busy this yr n there wasnt anyone to organize it. my cousin's going overseas n my mom is working. they r usually de 2 ppl who organize. de other reason y this yr's christmas is so different is cuz i feel sad instead of happy. ppl celebrate christmas cuz christ was born n we r supposed to bo happy. it's also a time for giving n recieving. but i havent been feeling very happy from de beginning of dec. i think im dreading nxt yr, wif a levels n everything. mebbe it's also cuz of him. it's time things between us were cleared up..definitely before de end of de yr.
to him (he doesnt come here but i really hafta say it, before i send him a msg) : i know this mite be a bit out of de blue cuz i neva said anything bout it but i need to know where i stand wif u. i need things to be made clear by de end of de month cuz i dun wanna drag it on anymore. i cant wait for u forever n i dun wanna be left hanging in de middle next yr. this mite mean u hafta make a decision as to wat u want. i dun want to waste both of our time n end up wif nothing at de end of de road. i dun usually have alot of patience but i waited for u cuz i tot this wld work. and i wanted this to work. now, it seems like it isnt n i cant wait anymore. please, i really need to know this. i cant not know anymore.
got quite pissed wif him today. dun really wanna talk bout it cuz im really quite pissed now n i have been pissed since 4 plus in de afternoon. not good.
i hope it's not pms dat's causing me to be so angry wif him. pms is de worst thing to have.
goodnite. im off to slp.
~11:23 pm
