Friday, December 10, 2004*
fuck fuck fuck fuck.
ok, so u said u didnt have anything to say, not only to me but to everyone, n ur life is, in ur own words 'empty, bleak, dull', so i decided dat since u got nothing to say n whenever i tried to talk to u u wldnt reply or say anything dat i wldnt msg u anymore. but guess wat, u cant even msg at de end of de day? even if it's juz to talk for 5 mins? fuck man, i really dunnno how to get thru to u.
u say this kind of thing happens. ppl run out of things to talk about for a period of time but things will pick up after awhile. how on earth can things pick up when u dun even msg? not one word throughout de whole entire day.
then u come on msn. we talk. then u go off n play ur com games. when was de last time u asked me if i wanted to play? 24nov? n u got so angry dat time too cuz i didnt have any games dat u wanted to play. get angry wif me for wat? i cant help it rite? i juz dun like de games dat u pass to me. but i still have gunbound. i know i dun like it but i'll try to play it, for u. aft we talk, for however long u feel like talking to me, u end of wif 'talk to u later'. how much later is ur later? de nxt day u come online at nite? wtf. n sometimes, de way u sign off, i kinda hurts u know. eg. 'i talk to u tmr k? in the nite..', 'talk to u later..maybe tmr..', it's like talking to me is a chore or u're not interested at all.
"i do dat everyday now. going about looking for stuff to do or doing stuff dat i need to do to keep my mind off u. i cant sit arnd n wait for u to msg. y keep my mind off u? cuz i think, between us, it's all gonna end soon. seems to me from de way u're behaving. i dun wanna hurt myself thinking dat way, but hey, u've done it once before, who says it wun happen again? n mebbe this time, not only ur gf wld be hurt, but i wld be hurt as well.
i wan this to work. i dun wan this to end before it even begins. rmb dat time i told u i knew bout ur past n i asked u wat u wanted. u wrote down saying u wanted us to be together. u even added 'serious' beside it. wat happened to dat?
i hoped de distance between us during de last few weeks of sch n de first few weeks of hols wld go away when i came back from bangkok. i know it wun go away dat fast but i was hoping it wld go away. well, i guess i was wrong. like i was wrong to wait for u.
i know u said not to wait for u, since u said u didnt know when u wld be ready to move on, but i did. i tot 'y not wait for him. if it's really meant to be then we wld still get together when he had settled his stuff'. well, now i know i was wrong n i wun keep living in this mistake, hoping, again, dat mebbe something wld happen n both of us wun be hurt. but then, it's hoping. recently i've been hoping for things, mebbe too much, but look wat's going on now?
also, u said u dunno wat u wanna do wif ur life now n i dun think i can wait any longer. my patience is running out."
i wanted to send u dat msg. i dun think u'll ever see it here but if u manage to find this site, i've alr said some of it to u on msn..
stop making me cry. i've cried enuf for de year alr.
i juz wanna talk to u.
like de way we used to talk..
~10:08 pm
