and the days feel like years

Tuesday, May 03, 2005*

"When you hold on too tight to something, it just squirms. Loosen that grip."

its time to loosen up even though its damn hard and painful.

saw that in aiwei's blog. thanks girl, tho u mite not have any idea y it wld be useful for me.

i think it's very true. i've held on to this for too long n mebbe a little too tightly. now i hafta let it go. it's bloody difficult to do n the pain is sometimes juz too much to bear but it's wat i've gotta do. wat's done is done n things can never go back to the way it was. no amount of hoping n holding on to the past wld make things go back. letting this go is almost like going thru hell n it's easy it give up. but then giving up wld mean that im back to square one which is a lot worse so juz keep going, focus on the end result - freedom. from u, from the hurt u wld cause me, from this feeling.

that's all i wanna say now. these few days havent been very good. thank god saturday was full of fun touch n yesterday was full of shopping. heh. but i havent been very good n i dunno how long it's gonna last but be very sure that i'll be focusing of lot of my attention on other things, esp trainings. the rogues always keep me happy, keep me from killing myself with thoughts.

off to drown myself in homework. bye~

~8:05 pm